My first experience feeling the physical sensation of energy happened when I was on the verge of an emotional breakdown. Or as I know now as being, “On the verge of a spiritual awakening.” For two to three years, I had been experiencing extreme heat in my body, night sweats and no sleep, to the point I thought I was in early menopause. I would be sitting in a room with a hundred people who would be freezing in sweaters, hats and scarves, and I would be sweating profusely in my tiny sundress and sandals. Heat practically steaming off of me.
I was under extreme stress, and in the process of really digging deep to clear emotional blocks, when I started having a mild headache. As the day progressed, the headache became worse and worse, and my gut feeling was, “uh, oh, something big is about to break free.” At this time in my life, I had been in school for a year to get my Masters in Spiritual Psychology. One of the concepts taught is that physical pain can be an indicator of where to look for emotional release and healing. We are encouraged not to take aspirin to numb the pain and instead to delve deeper into it. For the first time ever, I decided not to take an aspirin and see what would unfold.
As late afternoon came around, I was in excruciating pain to the point where I had to leave the classroom because I was feeling like I wanted to scream, vomit, and roll around on the floor to make the pain stop. Now, just so you have a better understanding of me, I am the first one to be skeptical of someone claiming to be “born again,” “taken by the Spirit of the Lord,” or whatever other phrases have been used. Up until this point in my life, I could barely use the word God, and would be the first one to roll my eyes during prayer. I disclose this to put into perspective that I am not your typical person to have a spiritual awakening. (In my mind, God could have found a more qualified candidate- but that is for another story!)
Fortunately, a qualified staff member facilitated me through this epic moment of emotional release. She began by asking me about my headache and explaining that it is common for headaches to be correlated to early childhood trauma. I didn’t think I had any trauma but I did discuss my parent’s divorce and the early feelings of being alone and abandoned. I remember as a toddler thinking, “Why am I on this Earth? It is so strange here! What is the purpose?” In that moment, as I stared down at the ground, holding my head in pain, I remembered “Little Krista” who used to cry in her closet while listening to sad songs on her record player. At that moment, I literally saw the face of Jesus in front of me saying, “Take my hands. You were never alone. I was with you all the time.” Whether real or imagined, (It doesn’t really matter because what matters are the emotions that were triggered.) it allowed for me to access all of the hurt, fear, and anger I had been holding. I felt the sadness of 42 years being physically released from my body. The pain was so great that I can only describe it as what is feels like to go through transition during childbirth.
Exhausted and in excruciating pain, I had to lie down on the floor. I became aware that my body was glued to the floor as if I was nailed to a cross. I had moments of thinking I probably looked like a mad woman but ultimately I didn’t care. I was surrendering in that moment to whatever this was.
Now again, I remind you that I didn’t have any strong religious beliefs or connection to Jesus other than some random bible school classes.
As I continued to lie there, what I can only describe as electric bolts or fire shot out of my contorted hands and a fiery sensation poured out of the top of my head. I don’t know how long I was in that rigid state but I do know I was aware that my body was in a strange position and doing strange things, but I also had no control over it. I felt stuck. Eventually my hands began to relax, my headache went away, and I felt the most blissful, indescribable feeling. I felt my life force leaving my body as I thought, “This is death. I’m dying. I’m going to die on this floor.” Surprisingly, I was okay with that. The pain subsided, a peaceful feeling took its place, and a beautiful golden light appeared above me. I was okay if this was my last breath.
Then I had the experience of seeing the Holy Spirit lay down into my body as if a mist-like ghost was coming into my form. It was like the Universe opened up in that instant and new life was breathed back into me. Numbers, letters, symbols, and equations seemed to pour into my heart, my head, and my consciousness. I had the feeling of being downloaded with information but upon coming back “to real life” had no idea what information I had been given. At that point, I didn’t even care about the information. I was blissed out and floating around like an angel on Earth, which was not like me at all!!! I’m the naughty play write/hip-hop music loving type. The type that cusses like a southern trucker! No one who knows me would ever consider me an angel, and yet from that moment onward, something changed. I viewed everyone as pure, unconditional love. The sky looked bluer, I could feel the trees connecting with me, animals looked at me different, and I began having a hard time listening to my beloved hip hop music. Not only did the words not resonate with me anymore but also the beat felt abusive as it hit my body. In hindsight it felt like my DNA had been pulled out of my body and some Divine knowledge was put back in its place.
Of course being the ultimate Seeker, I went on a journey to figure out what the @#$% had happened to me! Did I go temporarily insane? No one I talked to seemed to be able to understand what I was talking about. The closest thing I could find online, was the term “kundalini.” “Kundalini has been said to be a psycho-spiritual energy, the energy of the consciousness, which is thought to reside within the sleeping body, and is aroused either through spiritual discipline or spontaneously to bring new states of consciousness, including mystical illumination. Kundalini is Sanskrit for “snake” or “serpent power,” so-called because it is believed to lie like a serpent in the root chakra at the base of the spine. The power of kundalini is said to be enormous. Those having experienced it claim it to be indescribable. The phenomena associated with it varies from bizarre physical sensations and movements, pain, clairaudience, visions, brilliant lights, superlucidity, psychical powers, ecstasy, bliss, and transcendence of self. Kundalini has been described as liquid fire and liquid light.” (www.mystica.com)
Bingo! So much of that description resonated with me and seemed to capture the essence of my experience. It was out of this world and yet, so of this world. My life has never been the same since. The Inner Knowing I received that day made it impossible for me to go back to living my life as it had been.
Today, three years later, I have a new career, new boyfriend, new way of being, and overall a new life. And I have a new sense of what energy in my body feels like. I am now very aware of when something doesn’t energetically feel right way before it doesn’t feel right in the physical world. I am also convinced of the healing powers of energy and how we all have the ability to use it for our optimal health and happiness. Although I know what I went through was in a way“special,” I also know that we are all capable of having that experience (although it would be great for it to come without the pain). I don’t the know the how or the why of my experience, but I do feel that it was necessary propelled me into the career of coaching and using energy as a healing modality. You can read more of how energy healing cleared a thyroid diagnosis I received in, “My Personal Healing Journey.”